Our little man is growing up too fast! Just another reason we have baby #2 on the way! Just this week he tried to feed baby Jackson, which left Peanut Butter in my belly button! Then, over the weekend he helped sweep the kitchen. Only to dump the contents back out onto the floor just so he could sweep it back up. Just a few weeks ago he (while i'm changing his diaper) he claims I have a monster in my tummy. He isn't scared of it though, or so he says! The kid cracks me up!

What a chaotic few months our family's had! Daddy worked the whole month of March in Indiana, we've gone to see thomas the train, the zoo, gone to yard sales, had a yard sale & then traveled back home to visit family. When daddy got back from his work trip Preston had a lot to say! One night I recall him sitting in bed asking why daddy had to work. D explained that he had to work so that he could have toys. Preston responded with "but I have toys, look over there." He then said well, we need gas to and Preston said but we have gas already. So, precious listening to him trying to talk daddy out of working. You can tell daddy is his hero!!

Over this past week we were saddened by the sudden loss of D's grandfather. Although, it was a difficult time, it was so nice to be surrounded by family! We got to spend a lot of time with D's family, including the newest 8 month old addition baby Ruby. Preston just adored her! We went to his aunt's baby boutique & baby Ruby crawled around chasing Preston throughout the store while mommy & daddy picked out a few outfits for Jackson. We spent our nights talking about good memories with family & our days eating lunch together. By the end of the week we were ready to go out and leave the leftovers behind.

During the visitation & funeral I came to realize how great of a man Paw-Paw Tom truly was, with nearly 600 people coming to show their condolences. It was a humbling sight. I think we all wished for more time with him, just one more day but he passed on like we all would want to do, peacefully in his sleep.
 The hardest part was deciding on when\how to tell Preston. He is at the age where he can sense sadness but can not grasp death. So, as the week went by we decided to take him out to Paw Paw Tom's farm before heading back home. We told him that paw paw Tom was no longer at home & that he wouldn't be seeing him anymore because he was with Jesus in Heaven. He seemed very observant and his sweet blue eyes teared up but all that he said was "Okay." We talked to him about how much fun he had riding four-wheelers with paw-paw Tom & feeding the cows on his farm. We drove him over to his farm where his Great Uncle & cousins were working on the farm. First thing he did was get on a tractor and pull a lever, which of course caused the bucket to come down. Scary moment for daddy & uncle Jeff, as they jumped out of the way while Preston jumped into my arms.

Overall a sad but comforting trip. You start to realize how important time is with family and we hope this week will bring on better things to take us closer to them.

Pictures of our Growing family

Preston's Song

Preston is a very intelligent little man, very observant and kind. He loves singing and playing all of his "instruments" which include a violin, guitar, piano and drums! Of course these instruments are made from utensils, sticks and parts of broken toys. Toys that he "fixed" with his hammer and wrench. He has those toddler tantrums at least twice a day but he amazes me. He has a special way about him, it's hard to explain but let me just say when he walks into a room its as if the room brightens. I'm saying this not just because he is my child but because i've personally experience his ability to lift up the weary. So with that here is a story that I hope will lift you up!

Preston was with us when we received the diagnosis about Baby Jackson. He saw my tears as well as his daddy's and his little heart understood. You see we have a tendency to forget sometimes that our little toddlers can now understand quit a deal more than we might imagine. My husband and I spoke little about the diagnosis but we were obviously mad at God, scared and sad. It was a long quiet ride home. I would occasionally cry silently while hubby held my hand and reminded me that although not visible he was hurting to. We finally approached our exit, which is usually when Preston starts belting out our "Going home" song. Its a little song I made up coming home from daycare. It kept him from crying and it became a part of our afternoon routine. Instead, we heard a sweet little voice in the back start singing..."Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world" finished it and then went into Jesus loves me. I cried immediately!

 I've had my issues with God and organized religion for a long time. Preston attends church on occasion but i'm ashamed to say we are not regulars. I often have read stories just like this and thought they were nice but never truly believed them. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around what happened in our car that day. I cry every time I tell it. The God we were so angry with was telling us everything was going to be okay and that he was with us. When all along we thought he had forgotten.

Friday the 13th

I wrote in my about me section that we are expecting a another baby in June! We are extremely excited but because of Preston's history was advised to get specialized screenings.

Last Friday (yes the unlucky 13th) we were scheduled for our Specialized Facial Ultrasound. We were so excited because we hoped to get a sneak peak of the gender!  We brought Preston with us so he could experience the excitement along with us. I wasn't nervous at all...I mean Preston's birth defects were flukes so it couldn't happen again. 

The Ultrasound tech came in and first thing asked if we wanted to find out the gender. Of course we did! We saw right away we are having another BOY!! Sooo excited and Preston clapped to! Then she began to scan over the heart, brain, and then she went over his face. My heart sank...I saw it immediately and began to cry. We couldn't possibly be about to go through this again! The Tech asked me what was wrong and i told her I had seen the babies face. She scanned back over his face and saw it herself. She asked about Preston and his history. She made remarks as if to console me without confirming what I saw. She said "I would have never guessed he had a cleft, how many surgeries has he been through? They did an amazing job!" etc For a moment I thought I might have jumped to conclusions but then she walked out. 

A few moments later two doctors came in (med students) I was going to be a learning tool. I guess everyone needs practice but I didn't feel like being the guinea pig. About 15 minutes passed and another doctor walked in and introduced herself. She sat down and began whispering to the ultrasound tech while looking at the pictures.  All I could think of was how rude they were being and how I knew something was wrong. It had been way to quiet for way to long and everyone had stopped talking to us directly. It was if we were no longer in the room. Finally, The doctor came over to us and tried getting a better look at his face. She typed in the words UL over his mouth and I knew what that meant. It had been 45 minutes since we started the ultrasound and we finally had an answer. Our baby boy had a cleft. 

Preston

I wish I could rewind time and appreciate life the way I do now. It's funny how a little boy can change you and make you into a better person. Just with a smile...Preston has done just that. I look at his face and find love. I look into his eyes and see wisdom beyond his years. Sure, he is just 2 years old but this little boy has been through more than most 2 year old boys his age.

On November 24th 2009, Two days before Thanksgiving we welcomed an 8lb 8oz boy Preston Dane into the world. Until that day we had no clue what life was truly about. Preston was born with a special smile it was slightly bigger than most but not a wide as others. We were in shock but not devastated until Thanksgiving Day. On Thanksgiving day Preston went for his hearing test and unfortunately failed. We could accept his wide smile but could not fathom our baby boy never hearing. I picked up my baby boy as he was crying and cried with him. My mind started running with obscene thoughts about how I must have done this to him. This was my fault. I had been a mother for 2 days and already failed.

As we have learned so many times doctor's tend to give worst case scenarios. Preston was not deaf as they had suggested. He had fluid in his ears and as with most Cleft affected children received tubes.
I will say we were clueless going into this whole process with Preston. You just always expect your children to be born healthy without conditions. You do everything you are suppose to do, eat all the right foods and take the right vitamins. You avoid cold cut meats and refuse that glass of wine. Then you find out sometimes it doesn't matter.